Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
