My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
