all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
