My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
