Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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