Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
