Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize