im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
