talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
