omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
