You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
