Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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