where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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