I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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