i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
