I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize