Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
