i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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