I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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