I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
