Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
