turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
