I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
