This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
