new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
