so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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