there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
