I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
