sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
