Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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