Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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