"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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