that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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