shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
