im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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