Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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