Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
