My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
