I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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