just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
