first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize