She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
