I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
