I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
