it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
