I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize