I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize