I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
