Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
