it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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