i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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