Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
