I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pants are for mortals
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
