yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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