I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
