I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
