I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
