god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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