You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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