I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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