Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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