So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Reggie can tackle my bush.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize