she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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