if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Boobs speak an international language.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't turn off my feet"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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