Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
