Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
