glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
