My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
