ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
