You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
