I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
why is half of my head shaved?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
