Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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