Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
