I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
